i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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