My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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