Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
