WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
