have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if only i could text you this smell
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
