Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
