At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
