i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
