I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
