He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
