batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
