I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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