yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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