Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
