I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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