the new term for farting is butt boxing.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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