i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
