i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
