Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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