It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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