I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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