was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
