Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
