Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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