YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
