Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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