Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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