i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
