I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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