I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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