I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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