I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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