WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
