I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
