Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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