Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
