He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
