...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
