I hate your face
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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