I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
