she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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