Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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