I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
