Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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