all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
too bad you live with your parents still
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
