I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
