had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
