I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize