she was so not down for the gang bang
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
