I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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