I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
