I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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