My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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