I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
