And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
