Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
