Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
