So drunk its hurt
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Shame - the story of my life.
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