Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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