summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
