About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
