i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize