Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
