Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
