fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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